SCG Basic teaching

EN-①-B-02- Basic Teaching 2026 Edition (ver.9) B Group Relationships with Others

(Part 2) Past Wounds and Forgiveness　2025/07/17

■ The Impact of Past Emotional Wounds
One of the mechanisms human beings have is called “blocking off memory and emotions.”
This is a built-in system that activates in the heart to protect itself when a person goes through a painful experience.
While it serves as survival at that moment, it also influences later life. That is because, when a situation arises connected to past trauma, the person may overreact or shut down emotionally.

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Such a reaction may be something as subtle as unconsciously keeping distance from others.
In any case, the greater the wound from the past, the more difficult it becomes to build relationships with others.

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When one avoids relationships, two problems arise. One is being continually bound by the past events. The other is missing the opportunity for healing that should begin through community.

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■ About Forgiveness
Now, there is much to say about emotional wounds, but here we will focus on “forgiveness.” This is because, in the process of healing, at some point one inevitably faces the challenge of “forgiving” the person who caused the wound.

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The first point to make is that, due to the nature of this basic study, this is not a teaching of “you must forgive.” Of course, we do hope it leads to that result. But since there is a process involved, we seek more than simple obedience to the Word?we long for the fruit of it.

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(Matthew 18:24?35) contains an important teaching on forgiveness.
The first man in the parable owed an enormous debt to the king. (This king represents God, and the debt represents the sins we have committed.) His debt was equivalent to hundreds of billions of yen in today’s value?an impossible sum to repay. This illustrates that our debt of “sin” against God is so great that even our very life cannot pay it back.
Yet the king, moved with compassion, canceled his debt. This shows how God, through Christ, has forgiven all our sins and set us free.

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However, that forgiven man was unable to forgive another who owed him a much smaller debt. Though not a tiny amount, compared to hundreds of billions it was almost nothing. Despite having his own great debt canceled, he refused to forgive another, and in the end, he was thrown into prison.

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This is what it is like when we do not forgive others. No matter how much we have been hurt or harmed, compared to the debt of sin we owed to God, it is truly small.

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For those who struggle to forgive those who hurt them, this may seem like a harsh Scripture. But it is not for condemnation?it is necessary so that we may understand our reality and also grasp the compassion of God who carries our burdens.

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Because “forgiveness” is a command in Scripture, this does not mean we must force ourselves to do it outwardly, even when it feels unbearable. Rather, Scripture shows us what we are meant to become. These are not words meant to crush us, but words of God’s love meant to set us free.

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Some may think that forgiving will only benefit the offender. But forgiveness is not granting permission or condoning what was done. It is simply entrusting the matter to God.

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(Romans 12:19 Dear friends, do not take revenge yourselves, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”)

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Not forgiving is, in effect, seeking revenge, even without physical retaliation. This excludes God from the situation. We do not need to take revenge?if we entrust it to Him, God Himself will deal with it.

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■ Not Forgiving Binds Oneself
In “Basic Study B Group” we have been considering how “walls in relationships with others hinder drawing near to God.”
In that sense, one thing that blocks our relationship with God is “not forgiving someone.”

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A victim may feel they have the right to go on hating the offender, but that is not so.
When we do not forgive and hold on to resentment, it means we carry that person with us all the time.
Imagine always living with one hand clenched tightly around something. That hand is unusable, and life becomes restricted. In the same way, unforgiveness binds the heart. To forgive means to set yourself free. Unforgiveness brings spiritual bondage, mental pressure, and sometimes even physical sickness.

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When I went on mission to Russia in 1993, while praying for the sick in a hospital, there was a woman whose body was bent sideways in a “C” shape. We found out she harbored hatred toward her father. Our mission team encouraged her to forgive him, but she struggled to make that decision.
At that point we told her, “Even if you don’t feel like forgiving emotionally, you can make the decision with your will.”

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So, though her feelings did not follow, she made the choice and declared, “I forgive him.” Amazingly, her body, which had been bent in a “C” shape, immediately straightened!
We could say her physical distortion was caused by the hatred she had been holding onto.

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■ Forgiveness Is a Decision
From this we see that “forgiving others” is not really a matter of emotion, but of decision.
This is similar to what was said in “Basic Study A-02 The Cross and Salvation”?that believing is not a matter of feelings, but of decision.

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■ The Harm of Forgiving Without the Heart
Thus, human decision and will are important. But not everyone can say, “Alright, I will forgive now,” and actually do so. Even if one says it outwardly, if the heart does not follow and the emotional issues are not properly addressed, harmful consequences may arise later.

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A common misunderstanding among Christians is to try to conform themselves to the letter of biblical commands, while forgetting that those commands exist to set us free. Obeying literally is not always the best.

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This is also discussed in “Basic Study E-07 Performance Thinking.” Since every matter has its background and people’s emotions involved, ignoring these factors is often unwise in the long run.

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For example, someone who “cannot forgive” usually has good reason to feel that way. Very few people hate someone for absolutely no reason. That is why, in their healing process, listening and empathizing with their inability to forgive is sometimes necessary.

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Also, what amplifies the inability to forgive is not only being a victim of a specific incident, but also wounds from earlier stages of life. As we saw previously, typical examples include wounds from parent-child relationships.

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Parents are the foundation for receiving “unconditional love” in infancy and childhood, and they also serve as models representing God. Especially in Christian homes, they influence the child’s view of God.

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Therefore, these aspects may also be involved. And often, such issues cannot be resolved simply by someone pointing them out. That is why support such as empathetic listening is needed.

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The compassionate God knows our weakness in being unable to forgive. Rather than distancing ourselves from Him because we cannot perfectly live out His Word, we should draw near to Him, believing that He receives and loves us even in our weakness. Then we will receive His comfort?and by that comfort, we will be able to forgive even those we thought we could never forgive.

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And the result is not only resolution of the event, but also your becoming a whole and healthy person.