EN-①-B-04- Basic Teaching 2026 Edition (ver.9) B Group Relationships with Others
(Part 4) Fellowship and Communication 2025/07/17
When some people first come to church, they may feel that everyone there looks like good people, and therefore feel they themselves do not belong. However, this is the result of being transformed by God, and it was not that way from the beginning. To add another point, if you approach people and open your heart to speak with them, you will realize that everyone is an ordinary person with weaknesses and shortcomings. We are all in the process of being remade.
[02]
If that is the case, then here you can understand that there is no need to make yourself appear impressive.
[03]
The word for church in the original biblical language is *Ekklesia*. It is a word that means an assembly of people. Therefore,
the church is an assembly of people centered on God, and the material for building up the church is the members who gather there.
For that reason, relationships with people and communication are important elements.
[04]
Since the Holy Spirit dwells within those who believe in Christ, God works even through our casual conversations and fellowship. This may include inner healing, revelation, prophecy, words of wisdom, impartation of faith, physical healing, and so on.
Therefore, the fellowship of the church is a vessel for the Holy Spirit to work through.
And in order for this to be fully manifested, it is good to understand the following principles.
[05]
.① Every person is so precious that Christ died in their place. (Romans 14:15)
.② Have the perspective that God is good and that all things are turned to good. (Romans 8:28)
.③ “Boundaries” (*1) are to be respected. In other words, nothing is forced, and free will is respected.
.④ Do not judge anyone, and there is no need to accept condemnation from anyone.
.⑤ Through “listening” (*2), understanding the other person’s feelings can sometimes be the beginning of healing and restoration of the heart.
[06]
(*1) “Respecting boundaries” means being in a state where you and the other person are distinguished, and you can place yourself in a safe position.
(*2) “Listening” means giving ear to someone’s words, not judging or teaching them.
[07]
Basically, twice a month after the Sunday worship message, we form small groups and have a time of response to the message. This also serves as an experimental place for understanding and practicing the above principles.
[08]
When someone shares something personal, it should not, in principle, be spread around.
That is, even if someone opens their heart and tells you something, there is no need to report it to pastors or staff. It was told to you because they trusted you.
[09]
On the other hand, in many cases, it means you are the only person who can deal with that issue, so if possible, it would be good to go a little deeper and minister or take some kind of action.
For example, if someone has made inappropriate remarks or behavior, that is a sign that they may have a problem in their heart.
[10]
“Empathy” and “understanding someone’s feelings” are good, but that does not mean you should share in their emotions.
In other words, do not speak ill of others together with them.
[11]
Also, at times, it may be necessary to gently “correct” someone.
(Galatians 6:1) Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. (The “steps of correction” in Matthew 18:15 are also helpful.)
[12]
Even when someone accuses another person, they tend not to speak about their own issues, so you must not make a hasty judgment. Until you hear both sides, you cannot know the situation.
[13]
In any case, do not carry too heavy a burden by yourself. You can say something like, “May we include XX in this matter?” and bring in others, handling it through team ministry.
Or, if advice is needed or the burden is too heavy to carry alone, with the other person’s permission you can ask, “May I share this with the pastor?”
[14]
However, know that what is done in the church in terms of consultation may look like counseling, but strictly speaking, it is different.
Broadly speaking, there are the following levels:
These exist on a kind of gradient, so there is some ambiguity about where confidentiality applies.
Also, since husband and wife are one, when something is shared with a wife, it may also be conveyed to her husband so that the burden may be carried together.
[15]
Therefore, if it is a consultation where you absolutely do not want it to be shared with anyone else, you should ask a professional counselor.
[16]
■ Avoid “gossip prayers”:
Sometimes gossip is spread under the label of “prayer requests.” But God already knows everything, so prayer is not impossible without giving details. Conversely, if you do want something prayed for in a prayer meeting, please state it clearly. Because “the church will pray even without being asked” rarely happens.
[17]
■ About Apologizing
When you have spoken or acted wrongly toward someone, of course it is good to apologize.
It means humility, and it can be an opportunity for the Spirit of God to work, which will also improve the situation.
[18]
However, if it is only because “it’s the right thing to do” or “because I’m a Christian I must apologize”?in other words, legalistically, without the heart being engaged?then such an apology is not very effective. Moreover, because you are deceiving your own heart, you may not truly feel forgiven, and the work of the Holy Spirit may also be diminished.
[19]
Not Total Surrender
When things happen, many factors are involved. Even if you apologize, it does not mean admitting you were wrong in everything, nor does it mean affirming the other person’s behavior as right.
For example, sometimes people think if they apologize after a traffic accident, it will put them at a disadvantage, so they refuse. But usually, apologizing only acknowledges responsibility according to the proportion of fault, not that you bear full responsibility.
In the same way, apologizing does not mean you will be unjustly demeaned.
[20]
■ Wisdom in Apologizing
When apologizing, you should not simultaneously point out the other person’s mistakes.
Also, explaining the circumstances that led to the situation may backfire if it is perceived as self-justification.
Therefore, in a reconciliation setting, it is better to simply devote yourself to apologizing.
[21]
For the same reason, even if there is misunderstanding, it is not always necessary to correct it at that moment.
Reconciliation is a process, not a one-time event, so if it can proceed in stages, that is better.
[22]
Even if you apologize, sometimes you will not be forgiven, or the other person may get angry or pile on more blame.
But do not be shaken. That is simply an honest emotional response, and it is actually a good thing. If you sincerely accept the other person’s feelings, later they themselves may respond with, “Well, I was wrong too.”
[23]
That said, you must not expect the other person’s response. To demand the reaction you want is also a violation of boundaries.
We are to simply do what we ought to do.
[24]
■ Cases Where You Must Not Apologize
If there is no actual harm, there is no need to apologize. If practically no damage was done to the other person, and it was only in your “thoughts” that you resented or envied them, then you do not need to apologize to that person or confess that sin to them. Because it is not a sin against that person, but an issue between you and God.
[25]
This can be understood by the following example: If a man confessed to a woman, “I have lusted after you,” what would happen? The woman would feel offended. That has nothing to do with her.
Such a confession lacks wisdom and destroys community.